Shush Already at the Concerts!

Saturday, June 9, 2012
by

Harriet “Hattie” Nuff

GEEZ… when are people gonna figure it out? Isn’t it obvious that paper and plastic wrappers are a concert’s worst enemy? — though recording poles and paraphernalia—which are ugly and block our view—are starting to make a strong case.

But it’s the noisemakers that really gotta go. And that includes the people making it! C’mon guys. Think. Be considerate. Fold your program before the music starts. Unwrap your mints ahead of time. And, in general, SHUT UP! Which includes whispering, for god’s sake. Pssss… Pssss… Pssss… is almost as annoying and disruptive as plastic being ripped, unwrapped, and put away.

My Goodie coughs and snorts and shifts in his seat enough as it is. And I gotta put up with all the rest of yous? There was this one gal­: my glare in the dark obviously wasn’t getting her attention, and I almost threw my wad of gum at her. Goodie stopped me just as I was winding up.

Trouble is, that dame seemed impervious. No matter that several hundred other people actually wanted to listen and hear the music, thank you very much.

Where do these idiots come from? Oh, yeah. Still, it’s no excuse. Haven’t they heard of courtesy, manners, thoughtfulness? I mean, what are they really thinking?

Maybe the hosts should ask audiences not only to turn off their cell phones, but to go ahead and open their wrappers now, and to SHUT UP during the show.

Then again, maybe they should stop issuing paper programs. I’m thinking thin rubber facsimiles—something recyclable. The inconsiderates could then flip and fold to their heart’s content, quietly.

And about all that recording gear RIGHT IN FRONT of us. What’s that about? When did that suddenly become so important? Is it really necessary to record everything? Every itsy bitsy concert? Can we at least get a discount in proportion to the amount of equipment, how ugly it is, and the degree to which it blocks our view?

At least hang the stuff from the ceiling instead of on all those frigging telephone poles? And, c’mon, how many microphones do you really need?

Gadgets and noise. Gadgets and noise. What’s the world coming to? What happened to civility, serenity, and silence? Anyone seen them recently? And weren’t they here first?

Harriet “Hattie” Nuff is a social critic and technology watchdog who attended, but fortunately did not review any, performances during Spoleto.


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